“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us." -Marianne Williamson
My family and I are a restless people. It has always been so and will always be so. There are many good reasons for it and many great effects. However, I suspect one reason that sometimes takes the helm is a deep seated feeling of inadequacy causing us to feel guilt, shame,
remorse, low self-esteem, uncertainty, and the need to prove oneself
repeatedly. All of it seems amplified when the holidays are over and
we are alone again and find ourselves calling each other crying. As for myself, my couch takes me in and does its best to soothe my racing thoughts. "What are my goals?" I ask myself as I jot down a list. "What will I do this week?" as I scribble another list. "What career path will I take this year?" perhaps another 5 lists for the potential outcomes of each potential decision. "What are my New Years Resolutions?" "If I died tomorrow what will I have wished I accomplished in this lifetime?" "What if I have a kid, what are all the things I will need to be good at before one gets here!?" "Maybe I should relax more," 20 minutes into a movie, "Am I doing this right?" "Maybe I should be watching a smarter movie to enrich myself culturally..."
Coming back from home in some ways feels like being stranded on a cliff edge in the pitch black, utterly alone and scared, all with work still needing to be done. We come together at Christmas with cooking, sly smiles, long walks, talking on comfy couches, reminiscing days past and warm each other up, thaw each other out for the next long cold spell out by ourselves. I couldn't do it without them, their guiding example and words of wisdom. It takes a couple days to realize they are still with me and always will be. I keep them in my heart and know that I'm not really alone. We feel each others bond throughout every day and know that no matter what we will always have each other. I feel deeply and utterly grateful for my family. Why I love that quote and bring this up is not to put us down but to point out that in a different light, really, we must be so boundlessly capable as to feel so completely inadequate.
Coming back from home in some ways feels like being stranded on a cliff edge in the pitch black, utterly alone and scared, all with work still needing to be done. We come together at Christmas with cooking, sly smiles, long walks, talking on comfy couches, reminiscing days past and warm each other up, thaw each other out for the next long cold spell out by ourselves. I couldn't do it without them, their guiding example and words of wisdom. It takes a couple days to realize they are still with me and always will be. I keep them in my heart and know that I'm not really alone. We feel each others bond throughout every day and know that no matter what we will always have each other. I feel deeply and utterly grateful for my family. Why I love that quote and bring this up is not to put us down but to point out that in a different light, really, we must be so boundlessly capable as to feel so completely inadequate.
On a less somber and reflective note, I did make a list of New Years Resolutions, and the first one up is to learn how to cook more. So far this week I made Crispy Mustard Roasted Chicken, Baked Salmon, and Chicken Fried Rice! Not too shabby. Plus with Alexa playing romantic music and my special Soy Candle Christmas present it feels like Chance and I are eating dinner at the most exclusive restaurant in town. Only one more month on night shift to go!
Here are some photos from the last 3 years.
Here are some photos from the last 3 years.
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| Pre-Wedding Hike! |
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| What a hunk! |
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| Big Bend National Park |
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| I don't know where this is, but aren't they pretty?! |
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| A fun morning at Bonnie Blues! |
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| Fun Impromtu Hike with Jesse :) |
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| Time with Grandma is so wonderful! |
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| SNUGGLES! |
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| My second apartment, so comfy. |
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| little nook where I enjoyed many a morning |
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| Everyone's BP was horrible that night! |
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| Mishka's first exposure to water! DAWWWW |
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| Trip somewhere in Texas :) My what a handsome man. |
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| Kim and Jesse are engaged!!!!!! |
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| Big Bend, just a couple of hikers. |
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| Mom and I are at Bird Bakery! Nommm |
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| Steve comes for a visit to the Botanical Gardens! |
2 comments:
Great post Katie. You are an amazing sister, nurse, and wife to Chance. Love you so much! Miss ya!
What a great post! I love you so much and miss you when you're gone. Hardest part of Christmas holiday is when everyone goes home and the house is empty. The silence is deafening!!!! I'm going to hang on to all those good memories no matter what i do or where I go. Looking forward to having everyone back soon!!!
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